Confusion!!

He would seem less of my muse and more of a distraction,

But now that the distraction has become the object of concentration
He has become my muse by being my distraction



My words come out all twisted
not expressing what I feel
but then do I know what I really feel!
For never before I've felt so confused
but this much I know for sure


He brings peace to my troubled heart
yet he also creates a storm
that raises huge waves off a quiescent surface
He robs what he gives
And then gives what he robs


Dear Lord! How foolish I am about all this
for I know that he is none the wiser about this than me.
Only one thing I wish to know,
one thing to bring me peace.


Do I confuse him, O Lord?
As much as he’s confused me!!

Just sometime Ago....

After a while you learn

the subtle difference between

holding a hand and chaining a soul

and you learn that love doesn't mean possession

and company doesn't mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts

and presents aren't promises

and you begin to accept your defeats

with your head up and your eyes ahead

with the grace of an adult not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build your roads today

because tomorrows ground is too uncertain for plans

and futures have ways of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns

if you get too much

so you plant your own garden

and decorate your own soul

instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure

that you really are strong

and you really do have worth

and you learn

and you learn...

Its truly sad how time teaches what you really need to know... too late though. To look into the eyes of someone you once loved and adored and see that he is finally ready to put everything else aside him and accept every bit of you, every flaw, every tantrum. To then realise that he isnt the one you want to be with, that you no longer feel that same way about him. But why are we still unable to let go? Insecurity? Fear of loneliness?

Holding his hand, wrapping it slowly around your shoulders just to feel a little more protected, looking into his eyes and telling him what you are feeling and how troubled you are... just because he will listen.

No longer a belief in love... a cringe in my stomach when i hear the word, a need to stay away from the opposite sex. Not knowing where you belong, whether getting home will make things better... not knowing where home is to begin with. Here? Or there? Or somewhere i haven't explored yet?

A longing for food, yet unable to eat... A craving for love, yet a fear of the word. Who really means it? Who says it to make you smile? Who says it because it makes them feel better?

Who says it to keep you with them?